In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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