We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
