Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
