Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
