i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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