This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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