Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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