just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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