There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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