my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
