I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
