is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
