remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
