I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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