her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
