ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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