as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
