I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize