I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
