They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
