I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i drank out of a bidet.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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