He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
