What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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