On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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