remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
