This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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