I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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