Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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