I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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