What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
