Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's always time for handjobs
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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