i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
