what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
