I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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