We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They are going to name an STD after you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
