Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
