did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fuck appropriateness.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
