We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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