Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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