Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
