I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's great music for shaving your balls
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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