You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize