i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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