Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
