and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
