I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
