I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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