Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
