just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
