Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
