the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
