There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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