I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
