jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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