Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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