i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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