I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
