I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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