he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
