Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
