I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
