wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
