Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
