i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
