does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
