It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
