i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
