he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize