I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
