My girlfriend figured out who you are.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
