Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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