remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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