Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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