I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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