I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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