Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
