Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
