She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
